It felt like the end...

I'm going to treat you all to two posts tonight! as i thought it would fit in one but it didn't lol.

Okay, so the first month of being a mum was hard. Me and matt had made up a kind of system some days he would do the night feeds and i would get up with him in the morning, and others i would do the night feeds and matt get up with him. This worked for a while.. until liam hit 1 month!!

Me and Matt werent getting on as well as we normally did. Obviously the stress and pressure of having a baby was all on our shoulders, and i honestly felt like i was doing more than he was. I cant remember the amount of arguements we used to have because he wouldnt wash the bottles or put them in the steriliser, change his bum, give him a bath.. The little things that people think nothing of. But i know now liam didnt mean anything to him (again another post will be done on that point!) We had tried everything to make a system work but it always seemed to end in an argument.. 

Now the one thing that blew me right off the edge was this; and i shall never forget it; This one night, the one thing i never thought i would do. What no one thinks they will do to someone they think they love so much...

Liam was about 3 weeks old.. my back was really hurting, i was absolutely nackered and looked after liam on my own all day (not easy). I kindly asked matt if he would feed liam if i got him his bottle as he was crying and ready for a feed (he was already half awake as he had just come off his computer) He agreed in the end, but something wasnt right! 

I had done his bottle, changed liams bum, got him out of his moses basket and laid him down with matt to feed him.. Liam was falling back to sleep and drinking his bottle slower than he normally does. I only said to matt to sit him up a little so he drank the bottle, hoping that he would sleep a little longer after his feed... 

NONE OF WHAT I SAY HERE IS EXAGGERATION ON ANYTHING! AND I CAN HOLD MY HANDS UP, SWEAR ON ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING THIS IS THE WHOLE TRUTH!

Matt then, not shouting, but loudly said -directly to liam may i add, his 3 week old baby- to 'drink the fucking bottle' and pretty much shoving it in his mouth. I was already partly sitting up, starting to get angry at what he had said (obviously) i asked him to just calm down and give me liam, he picked him up turned his back to me and said no... (how childish)

That was it! The last and final thing that made me go absolutely mental! Then i slapped him round the face took liam and his bottle and turned around (to be fair it was a pretty hard slap and i probably shouldnt have done it, but no one i mean NO ONE talks to me or my baby like that) This was his own baby he had done this too.. Yes it was the middle of the night, yes we was both tired but liam was a 3 week old baby. He grabbed his pillow and slept downstairs on the sofa...

I settled liam back down, tears streaming down my face, trying to stay as calm as i could so liam wouldnt pick up on my emotion! I quietly went downstairs and told him why i had done it and what the hell was he thinking.

About a week after that we was upstairs getting money for a takeaway we had ordered and he said to me 'this isnt working, i think we should break up or have some sort of break' - out of the blue, absolutley no reasoning behind it but it was true we werent working and i wasnt going to stay with someone who wasnt going to even help look after his child.

22nd October-

We went to get liam registered. Which was the day after we broke up. I stayed strong not telling anyone what had happened the night before. Mum was looking after liam for me, and we went to get him registered i had already chosen his middle name, not even bothering to consider that with matt.. So we finally registered my baby - Liam Peter Tilley - The peter after both of his grandad's. We dropped matt off to his parents house, then as soon as i came home.. i broke down into tears! 

It was like the end of the road, like that was it! I was on my own, everything he had said he wouldnt do he done it all!! He moved out the next day. Only spoke about liam via text. Matt didnt see him for nearly a week. That saturday was his friends girlfriends birthday party. Where he met a girl, but little did we all know that, that was the girl who ruined everything!

Emotional blog there...

Until next time....