Hello there,
I have come to the conclusion that i am a bad friend. I don't do it on purpose, because honestly who WANTS to be a bad friend. It just sort of happens, and it isn't until afterwards i realise it could be me.. Oopsy!
I sometimes feel like i am not there for my friends when they really need me, but then on the other hand - how do i know when they need me ?? I don't talk to them everyday, we don't meet up all the time but i am sort of expected to know things. I could sit here for hours and sometimes blame them for not telling me things, or i will look on Facebook and not feel included in certain things - but whose fault is that... mine or theirs??
I can meet up with them maybe once every two months ??? How bad is that lol someone will bring up a topic or an event they went to and i'm just sat there nodding and smiling, in my head thinking why didn't i go to that or why wasn't i told that bit...
Friends are confusing sometimes, or are they even friends?? After having Liam my life changed so much i think i was just caught up in a very weird bubble, and i'm stuck in it!! That is the only way i can describe how my life is... My life froze at a particular moment in time and in my head i'm still there... everyone else has moved on and I've separated myself from everyone - things aren't the same and i'm not sure why.
I would love for me to be going out every weekend and meeting up with friends at least once a week - make new friends and get my life back... but there is always something holding me back, keeping me in this bubble and i'm scared if it pops ill just drop to the floor like a tonne of bricks!
I'm high up in my bubble, sometimes it's a happy bubble and sometimes its a lonely one... trying to juggle alot of things at the same time without blurting my whole life story is proving to be very difficult.
I do really try to make an effort, but im scared of everyones reactions - i think ive secluded myself for too long. I feel like i dont know who my friends are anymore, i know nothing about them - its just a group of people i happened to go to school with and meet up with every now and then. Do they feel the same way about me?? I have no idea..
Until next time....
Instagram: Samgove
Twitter: Samgove_x
Email: samantha.angove@gmail.com
