Coming home

I tore quite badly after having Liam, so i had to go and have some stitches (worst nightmare)

When going into theatre they tried to give me a spinal block/epidural which my body wasn't having none  of, i was so tired anyway.. i ended up having to have a general anaesthetic. By the time i came round everything was so rushed. My mum had gone home by this point and Matt was left looking after Liam on his own whilst i was in theatre. I was took straight down onto a ward where other women had had c sections. I couldn't move as i had a catheter in and some sort of padded block thing (i have no idea what it was) Matt wasn't allowed to stay with me any longer as it was already nearly 2am. So i was left alone, with a baby i gave birth to 8 hours ago yet had hardly any bonding time with! I cried so much, not just because i didn't know anyone, but i was so tired i actually felt useless! 

I felt like i had to do it all on my own. I had my phone with me and updating people via facebook and text how i was, what had happened etc.. but that just didn't feel enough...

That first night was so strange, no one had taught me how to change his nappy properly whether he was hungry, tired or needed a bum change i had to learn everything all for myself which was a massive learning curve for me.. and now i can honestly say i turned into a completely different person overnight. Liam had wet through his nappy at about 6am. He was so tiny even his nappy's were a bit big for him (the midwives had told me in my antenatal appointments he was going to be a big baby, he ended up being tiny weighing 6lbs 11)

I must have pressed my button for the midwives about 10 times, this was ridiculous. They obviously knew id been into theatre and couldn't get out of the bed. Luckily i had a lovely woman in the bed next to me who asked if i needed help. I wasn't going to turn it down i couldn't do much more. She had seen me struggling to reach my overnight bag with mine and liam's things in, so passed me the things i needed. I was so greatful that at least someone helped me.

After about an hour one of the midwives came round, as they did regular checks and then by this point liam needed another feed (after being up nearly every hour) he was crying and i was trying to move the bed.. i asked the midwive if she could help me do his feed, after her tutting and saying that i 'shouldnt have had a baby if i cant cope' she ended up helping me make the bottle up, and he had poo'd right through and so she took him away to clean him up properly. This made me even more upset as what was i supposed to do - she made me feel so low and down, i was literally stuck to my bed could hardly move, it wasnt that i couldnt cope it was that i literally couldnt get up to get the water to make his bottle up...

Still to this day, that ward annoyed me. Anyway, on the 24th September we was allowed home (the best day of my life) they didnt want to as they were still worried that my iron levels and blood sugar was too low but i promised to take all the tablets and they let me go!. 

We first visited matts mum and dad's ( Matts dad had seen him the day he was born, as he visited while i was waiting to go into theatre with liams first teddybear, which i still have to this day!) Matt's mum couldnt visit as she had motor neurone diseas and was bedbound with oxygen so i made sure that was the first place we went so liam could have a very first cuddle with his nanny dawn.

I was on so many tablets and wanted to go home after an hour as my back was starting to really hurt after the spinal block and needed my tablets. As soon as we got home, liam was asleep i took my tablets and sat on the sofa... *SILENCE* was so lovely, i probably had a nap myself. Then my brother and sisters came in from school. They hadnt even seen liam yet so was so nice for them to meet their lovely little nephew for the first time. They all took their turns to have a cuddle. I hadnt seen them in nearly 3 days either and it was like they had grown so much. I had grown up so much in the last few days, i wasnt acting like a typical 17 year old i was a MUM!

I was delighted to be back home. Back to normality, except it wasnt going to be normality as how i knew it. My life now revolved around my gorgeous little boy. 

Until next time....